I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
