she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
