WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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