For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
