oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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