Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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