she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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