I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
