I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
