And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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