Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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