Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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