last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
