all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
