and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
