i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
