I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's always time for handjobs
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
