break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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