whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
