im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
