I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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