why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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