walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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