The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
