I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
there is puke in my bra ... again
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