it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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