We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
