If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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