you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
