I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
