we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
