just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
