Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
