its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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