Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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