you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
