Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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