I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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