How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
