Got a toothbrush?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
