she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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