She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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