Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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