Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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