Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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