Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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