Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
