Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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