I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
