I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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