I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
