sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
