Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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