I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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